I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I party with great urgency now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
