omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
