It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
