Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
