New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
