you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
