Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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