We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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