Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
