Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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