so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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