I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
