It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
