Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
