just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
