You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
