ADVERTISEMENT

• (845): View more from New York

  Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.

  Fav 27 7062 959

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

  Fav 39 7242 1404

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (989): View more from Michigan

  you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

  Fav 3 3333 1344

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The key to alley sex is drunkeness.

  Fav 7 2500 1108

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.

  Fav 9 3498 1546

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.

  (1-310): View more from California

  Make one for john too.

  Fav 3 1573 1817

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.

  Fav 2 802 1201

  share tweet
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.

  Fav 5 738 777

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.

  Fav 2 433 766

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.

  Fav 3 690 448

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...

  Fav 2 360 798

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (585): View more from New York

  There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.

  Fav 1 433 337

  share tweet
  

• (705): View more from Ontario

  so like

  (705): View more from Ontario

  i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone

  Fav 0 15 54

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.

  Fav 0 26 37

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And then he peed in my hair

  Fav 0 17 101

  share tweet
  

Randomize