I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
