I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
