this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
