We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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