Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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