cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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