alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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