I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
