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I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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