I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
