I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
