hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
