I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
a search helicopter?!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize