Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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