apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He better not be in your backpack
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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