if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
