Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
