it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
