Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
