It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
