trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
