did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
