he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
