1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
