You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
