I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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