I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize