it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
