Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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