Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
