Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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