the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
