How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
