sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
