I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
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you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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