All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
only you would photoshop your dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
