My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize