We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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