i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
