First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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