I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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