did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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