capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
