The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
