The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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