Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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