just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
