I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
