I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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