You made me cry and you don't even care
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
