we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
