the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
