i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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