He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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