We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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