I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
