I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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