1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
