This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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