i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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