it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
