Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Terrible idea I love it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
