Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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