I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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