He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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